Last Saturday I had a great day planned. I had just gotten my ears pierced (they grew closed after 36 years can you believe it?!?) and was headed to a drag show after that but in between my daughter and I were going out for dinner. She picked the restaurant, one we'd eaten at just days before with no problem, and we decided that we'd have breakfast for dinner. Now I'm allergic to pork and to gluten so I have to be very specific about what I order. I read menus carefully and I ask tons of questions BUT every once in a rare while a menu description will fool you and this was one of those days. On the menu was Potato Pancakes and this was the description:
Potato Pancakes
Five hearty pancakes of grated potatoes, onions and parsley. Served with applesauce and applewood smoked bacon
Based on that I was pretty confident that with a substitute of the bacon for scrambled eggs it would be safe for me to eat so that was what I ordered. In the meanwhile, my daughter decided to indulge in the Brioche French Toast since with my celiacs we rarely have bread at home. We were on a bit of a time schedule but our server was a nice guy and working hard to see we were accommodated however there was some confusion about her order that we thought we had worked out and we were waiting expecting everything to come out ok. That wasn't what happened. First, her order which was supposed to have been three pieces of Brioche french toast came out as one piece of regular french toast but most concerning was the order of five buttermilk pancakes that came out to me. Being somewhat of a foodie and knowing that proper potato pancakes are bound not with batter but with egg I was completely taken aback at this and apologetically let my server know that due to my allergy I couldn't eat them but I would just eat the eggs and be fine with that. At this point another server inserted herself into the situation. While my server was being apologetic about the misunderstanding and trying to figure out what he could do to make the situation right she grabbed the pancakes and headed back into the kitchen with them once she got there she announced loudly enough for me to hear clear across the dining room "She didn't LIKE them so she sent them back."
I was simultaneously humiliated and furious. At this point I didn't realize she was just another server and I thought she was the manager on duty since her name tag was festooned with stars supposedly indicating how good she was at customer service. When my server came back to refresh my tea and tell my daughter her corrected order would be back I asked him if that woman was the manager and upon finding out she was not I requested the manager.
When she came to the table I was fighting back tears I was so mad and so embarassed but I was determined that this wouldn't happen to anyone else. I explained how difficult it is to eat out with food allergies and how hard it is to request the accommodations needed and I informed her what had happened and that the other server needed some sensitivity training because more and more of us are being diagnosed every day. I also told her how wonderful our actual server had been because I wanted to be clear that it wasn't him that was the problem. She ended up paying for our meal. I wasn't seeking that outcome but it did make me at least a little less angry.
Mostly what I want people to understand is that those of us who have to ask for special accommodations don't enjoy being "difficult" and it's certainly not a matter of merely "not liking" whatever it is we are allergic to...I miss being able to go into a restaurant and order anything off the menu without fearing it's going to have something in it that will make me sick. Its amazing how many things have gluten hidden in them or how many vegetables are seasoned with bacon grease. At another popular breakfast chain the scrambled eggs are made with pancake batter in them to make them fluffy...I have to specially request "shell eggs" in order to avoid that. Before I was diagnosed with celiacs but after I became allergic to pork I learned that I couldn't eat commercial baked goods because so many of them were made with lard and made me violently ill.
This is life with an invisible illness.
I continue to practice being appropriately assertive and asking for what I need but it's not easy and experiences like this one make it even harder. Have any of you been there? Share in the comment thread.
